Smallville 'High'
by Up4laughs
Summary: See what happens when Clark, Pete, Lex, Chloe, and Lana decide to smoke some oddly familiar 'white powder'. Heh heh heh...Rated T 'cuz of the 'white powder'. Please R&R.


**This is my first Smallville fic. Enjoy!**

Disclaimer: I own nothing in Smallville...Thankfully.

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White Powder

It was a Saturday afternoon in Smallville and Clark was bored. He was usually out saving someone--like maybe say...Lana!!!And also...Lana!!!--or something. Today, however, was different. It seemed like no one had been affected or mutated into something weird because of the kryptonite-I mean-"meteor rocks"(A/N:cou-_ignorant-_gh coughcough cou-_fools-_gh). No one seemed to be in need of his help except his parents, who had given him a list of chores to do over the weekend. It was Clark-ish stuff like: reshape some metal bars, uproot some trees, move the truck-not driving but by hand and etc. Clark being his typical self went to find Lana the minute he was done. He walked over to his neighbors' house and knocked on her door only to find from her Aunt that she was at the Talon.

He whooshed to a stop at the Talon a second later. There she was with the gang (Lex, Chloe, and Pete) on their way out. Apparently, Lex had invited them to some white-ish powdery 'stuff'(A/N:Yep! So that's what he had in his long dark coats! Tons of pockets! Full of various kinds of white powders. Coincidence? I. Think. _Not_!). Clark joined them and suggested they get 'high' off the powder in his barn 'cause his parents were out of town for the weekend. They reached their destination 5 minutes later feeling refreshed after the ride in one of Lex's limos. They had guzzled down some soda and enjoyed the fresh air that hit them through the open windows. Once they were in Clark's barn, they settled themselves at a round wooden table and passed around the 'stuff'.

Having smoked some and deeply inhaled the fumes, they just sat there for a minute until the powder took its full effect. When that happened they started acting like, well-like kids who were high. It was similar to 'That 70's Show' where they get high and take turns saying or doing anything retarded.

Lana: "Did you guys know that Lex is like...bald?" she said, slowly nodding her head in awe. The room had begun to get hazy with smoke.

Clark: "They're out to get me!" he said wildly with his eyes bulging out of his head. He started looking shifty eyed and paranoidly nervous and twitchy. "Oh no, they've found me!" he mumbled to himself, looking terrified.

Pete: He burst out with hysterical laughter, "Lex..." he said breathlessly, "...bald." he burst into a new fit of chuckles.

Chloe: "She is taking him from us_..(mutter-mutter)"_she said devilishly and sounding like Smeagle from Lord of the rings. She was rocking back and forth in her chair as she gave Lana the evil eye while still muttering to herself, then she suddenly became innocent looking and started talking in a whimperish voice,"..No, no she is a friend, a good friend. We will not harm her_..(whimper-whimper)" _She started rubbing the back of one hand with the front of the other.

Lex: "Oh, yeah" he said stupidly with his mouth kinda open so that he looked like a bald Napoleon Dynamite. He pulls out one of those '60 second hair growth' creams and smothers his entire scalp in it. A minute later a huge nappy afro pops out of his head.

He laughed like an idiot.

Lana: "OMG!...Lex is like..._not_ bald." she said, once again slowly nodding her head in awe, her mouth slightly open.

Clark: "I don't know! I don't know! It wasn't me!" he shouted fearfully to no one in particular as he looked around the room wildly.

Pete: "Hey Lex, I got somethin' for ya." He looked dead-serious for a minute as he reached into his pocket for something. The sudden wide grin on his face indicated that whatever it was, he had found it. "Here you go." he grinned at Lex as he retrieved an afro-pick and gave it to him before once again bursting into hysterical laughter. He started crying and clutching his side from laughing so hard.

Chloe: "We must never let her have our '_precious'_... (_mutter-mutter-mutter)_"she said, rocking still as she resumed her devilish voice. The hand rubbing ceased.

Lex: "Fooor...m-men...o-of..." he read aloud, slowly with his mouth still hanging open like N.D. He had finally decided to read the label on the hair cream tube.

Lana: "Chloe is like..a weird _reporter_ or something." still nodding her head an squinting her eyes as though this conclusion required much thought, her mouth still hanging open.

Clark: "Alright! Alright, I'll tell you! Just don't kill me, PLEASE!" he yelled desperately to no one in particular.

Pete: He suddenly stopped laughing idiotically as though a thought had just occurred to him. "Woooooh...heh heh heh.." he said breathlessly. He wheezed a little to catch his breath and then he just kept on laughing insanely.

Chloe: "Yes, we mustn't let her-NO! She is a _friend_. We must _not_ harm her!" she said once again changing from evil to whimpering good. Hand rubbing is commenced here.

Lex: "Co-co..." he said still trying to read the label, but not knowing how to read it right.

Lana: "Blond freak..." she said, looking at Chloe disgustedly and shivering a little. She turned to Lex again. "And what is "not bald" Lex like...saying?" she asked herself, tilting her head a little with the "air-headed-opened-mouth" effect, but looking genuinely curious.

Clark: "But..they'll kill me if I tell." Clark mumbled, hesitatingly. " 'What do I think you're gonna do' ? Oh. I see you're point. You're right, you _could_ do worse things to me than they could." he asked himself thoughtfully before answering his own question and laughing nervously.

Pete: "You're so slow Clark." he said, shaking is head and still chuckling thanks to his present to Lex. "I mean, I got it from the jump." he explained before bursting into fresh fits of laughter.

Chloe: Suddenly, her good side seemed more confident than before. "Go away, and never come back." she said. Then her evil side kicked in, "_What_ did you say?". Back came the good side, "I _said _'go away and_ never come back_!" she said more defiantly this time.

Lex: "Co-co..."he said again.

Lana: "What, Lex? 'Co-Co'? OMG, that is so..so.." she said nodding her head in deep understanding with rapid emotional blinking.

Clark: "Okay, okay!" he said, cringing as though expecting someone to hit him. "It was.." he gulped in fear. "The Telletubbies!"

Pete: "The Telletubbies!" he repeated gleefully, "Clark is scared of the Telletubbies!" Hysterical laughter accompanied by fist banging on table.

Chloe: "Well...I guess I'll just..leave." she said looking thoughtful, her evil side once again having surfaced. Then she looked hopeful "Really?" she asked as the good side returned only to be cut off by the evil side taking over again. "Psych!"-evil chuckles-" I'm not going _anywhere_. 'Go away and _never come back_'."-major snicker-" Eh-eh, eh-eh-eh. Like I'd actually _leave_ or something." she said, repeating her good side's words before laughing at the sheer lunacy of the last sentence.

Lex: "Co-co..." he said for the third time.

Lana: She burst into tears. "That is so..like.._deep_." she said, wiping her tears from her eyes and sniffling a little. Then she looked at Chloe and, with distaste, added: "But Chloe is still like..a _weird_ reporter." It was like she was Myrtle from 'Lilo and Stitch' and Chloe was Lilo. Lana thought she heard a chorus of "Yee-eea-ah."

Clark: "Sooo..you're _not_ gonna kill me? Really? Thank you! Thank you so much!" he said with a look of disbelief, then joyful relief.

Pete: "Ooh, the Telletubbies are coming." he said mockingly in what he thought was a scary voice; of course it really just sounded like he was high. Appropriate. "I'm soo scared." He burst out laughing so hard this time that he fell out of his chair. He started rolling around on the floor, one hand holding his side because it hurt from laughing so hard, the other hand banging on the floor.

Chloe: She stopped laughing abruptly, "Ooh, pointy..." she said as she snapped at Lana's last remark, picked up the newly sharpened pitchfork she'd spotted leaning on the barn wall, and slowly looked from the pitchfork to Lana with a sinister grin...

Lex: "Ohhhhhh," he said dumbly, still looking like N.D. with black hair and no glasses, closing his eyes, enlightenedly, and nodding his head slowly again and again, "Coooooolllllloooor!" he laughed dumbly again.

**Later...**

Chloe was savagely chasing Lana with a large and very sharp pitchfork from the Kents' farm, shouting random war cries and something like: "..._my precious_...". Lana, meanwhile, was running at a nearly inhuman speed while pleading for Chloe to stop. Lex and Clark were tagging along a little further behind enjoying all the action. It was just the four of them since Pete had passed out from laughing so hard--although he was still letting out some half-conscious chuckles when they left him. A half hour later, Lana, who had been circling the huge water fountain that stood in the center of the park while dodging Chloe's angry attempts at puncturing holes in her for the last fifteen minutes, was exhausted. She desperately shouted for help from Lex and Clark, who--upon sitting on their carefully chosen bench with the best view of the chase--had begun singing.

It was then that Lex, who had been in the middle of singing:

"_She'll be comin' around the fountain when she comes..._

_She'll be comin' around the fountain when she comes..._

_She be feelin' pitchfork pokin's, she'll be ridin' punctured horses, she'll be comin' around the fountain when she-"_

stopped abruptly. Lana, who thought he was finally going to help her, felt her heart sink as Lex said "Oh-oh-oh! I've got a better one." and started singing:

"_Stayin' alive! Stayin' alive!.._"

with Clark joining in every now and then to say:

"_Ah-ah-ah-ah!"_

Suddenly, an idea hit her like lightening-along with Chloe's pitchfork. Unfortunately, all she got was a small scratch. The idea was to distract Chloe and get away. So she turned to face Chloe and yelled: "OMG! Chloe, Lex is like_...bald_ again." Chloe stopped dead in her tracks. Lana sighed in relief. But, all of a sudden, Chloe was running at her yelling: "Liar! Arghhhhhhhhh!" Lana ran again. This time she left the fountain and ran into the woods. She picked up a big rock and waited for Chloe. Chloe came in just a few seconds and Lana whacked her in the head with the rock. Chloe dropped to the floor with her eyes closed. Lex and Clark had followed them and were watching the show. When Lana reached over Chloe's body to take away the pitchfork, she stumbled back suddenly and let out a startled scream. Chloe had opened her eyes! Lana stood in her place and screamed like a dumb blond in a horror movie. Lex and Clark started singing: "I will survive!" Chloe grabbed Lana's leg. _Now_ Lana decides to try and get away. Lana tried to break free of Chloe's strong grip, still screaming like a shark was gnawing on her legs. Finally, Chloe grabbed the same rock Lana had hit her with and whacked Lana with it.

"Ding-ding-ding! We have a winner!" Lex announced, raising Chloe's hand with his own, as though announcing the winner of a boxing match. He held out a pretend microphone to Chloe. "How do feel, Chloe, now that you have defeated Lana?"

"Wow, I feel...good!" Chloe said happily, wearing her famous "Clark please notice me and take a hint" grin. Lex and Clark nodded their heads in a solemn silent agreement before they burst out with:

"_I feel good, __tana__-__nana__-__nana__-na__h...I knew that I would, __tana__-__nana__-__nana__-na__h..._

_I feel right, __tana__-__nana__-__nana__-na__h...I knew that I might, __tana__-__nana__-__nana__-na__h..._"

Then Chloe joined in:

"_So good__ --**Dun-dun**__--S__o__ good! __--**Dun**-- I __gota__ yoouuu__,--**Dun-dun-dun**--__ OWWW!"_

Clark was slightly coming back to his senses so he grabbed the unconscious Lana's foot and dragged her along as he, Chloe, and Lex headed back to his barn while they continued to sing. Lana's head bumped up and down on the ground as she was dragged over tree roots, dirt, and rocks. Still singing, they reached the barn where Pete lay unconscious. Clark dragged Lana over and dumped her next to his unconscious-yet-chuckling friend. It wasn't until the other three had sung "Kung Fu Fighting", "War", and "Eye of the Tiger" that they, too, passed out beside Lana and Pete. They woke up the next morning with some explaining to do. After all, people get high all the time but they don't exactly chase their best friends with pitchforks or call them '_precious_'(A/N: a.k.a. Clark Kent). And it was even more awkward when Lex told them that the white powdery 'stuff' was really just...baking powder...(o.O)

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**Thank you for reading this! Hope you enjoyed! PLEASE REVIEW!**


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